Waiting… 

I know your there. Waiting in the darkness.

Cowering until I’m relaxed and unaware. 

My back turned unassuming and not expecting

You creep into view like a cat about to pounce

Slowly turning the air cold with your grissly stare and dark eyes

Grief

I feel you under my skin. Like poison in my vains

My heart in a wooden box, locked down and broken

Slowly it comes. The past coming into view

Wooden boxes and heavy red curtains, the final message 

Still and no life you are carried in.. 

I stand and stare while my heart shatters 

In the stillness of the service I finally let go

So. Here I am once again.. I feel you near but this time it’s ok

I’ve made friends with you and your most welcome

It will pass

You cant hurt me 

I turn and face you and only see light

No longer waiting I am free…. 

Rise…

Deep dark black

Like the depths of untouched water

I sink to the bottom

No soul, no air just black

Sunlight gone and warmth unknown

I catch my breathe and dive down deeper until I settle on the bottom

Somehow I feel held by this space. Supported by the ground beneath me I take comfort in the letting go

No room to manoeuvre from the chains around me

I let go more and all is well

I fill my lungs and start to surface, gently and surely I rise…

Fear… 

What is Fear? Fear is a projection of what has happened in the past into the future.. 

Its a fear of not getting what I want or losing what I have…. 

Other meanings could be…. 

Face Everything and Recover

Fuck Everything and Run

False Evidence Appearing Real

Find Everything Awfully Rigid

Feel Easy And Raw

Face Each other And Relax… 

What does fear mean to you….? 

New day…

In daily blooms of gods embrace

The past behind a higher taste

I am here and meant to be, the waves of change like deep blue sea

New day dawns a chance to hold my self in love but not so bold

A open door from past to now

I sometimes wonder when and how

The peace it comes like morning frost

I leave behind all that Ive lost

The foundations strong I know its true

A bright day dawns I start anew

 

 

 

Edges…

night-1

Car crash moments and hazy feelings

Unsure edges of where I end and life begins

Total recall of damaged days and toxic fear

Heavy breath and smoky fingers , touching where they were not invited

I lost my voice and who I was in willowy wisps of icy air

Windows that looked up in to the night sky

I wanted to be among them

Free to float in blankets of darkness and silky stars

I left my body never to return

But now I have, I occupy the moment and feel my skin bathed in subtle sun and warm caress

Beckoning me to gently move forward

I am safe in this new body and held by the chant

I am loved from this place and I no longer need to hide in shadows

I am here and I am enough….

Night…

night-1

Like mist the darkness falls.

It takes me into its dark embrace, to block out light and shroud me in its cold tendrils,

I fear the night that comes upon me with no warning no explanation and no heart.

If only I could feel the shift in the air from day to night, at least have a clue.

Its here again, the moment before I breathe out and let go.

Night as black as death it keeps me locked in its menacing hold.

Until I light a single flame and night withdraws into the deep places of a thousand regrets.

Over the edge…

I look before I leap

Pray before I sleep

No longer over the edge

Ive survived the darkest pain

I choose to live again

No longer over the edge

In chant with faith so true

No longer feeling blue

I choose to live my life

No more pain or endless strife

No longer over the edge

I notice love around

In such joyful hopeful sound

No longer over the edge

Im here and fully me

You look at me you see

No longer over the edge

Little things…

It used to be BIG things that made me happy.

Now its tea,and ☀

I used to require grandness but now its simple

The warm sunlight teasing my cold feet

The lapping of the sea against the stony beach

Birds majestically swooping up above

Colorful flowers greeting t

The morning spring light

I love the chant, the dance and the smell of incense

Blessed food and spiritual company

Writing simple words and expressing who and what I am

COSY nights with hot baths, candles and chill

Its not the big things that mean so much…

Just here…


No place to go, nothing to do

Just here. 

Nothing ventured but no need to gain

Just here

Busy as a mark of existence,to prove I’m worthy

Why do people cling to there lives for all its worth?

It isn’t measurable by sweat,blood and tears

How good we are or should of been

None of it matters, the soul doesn’t mind

I sit and chant while you toil away in a job you hate trying to be heard and seen

Bread without the butter

What for?

When the final curtain falls and your buried deep in the earth

Who cares, they might for a while but like the seasons you will be forgotten…

So.I am present but nothing to do. 

Just here….