I know your there. Waiting in the darkness.
Cowering until I’m relaxed and unaware.
My back turned unassuming and not expecting
You creep into view like a cat about to pounce
Slowly turning the air cold with your grissly stare and dark eyes
I feel you under my skin. Like poison in my vains
My heart in a wooden box, locked down and broken
Slowly it comes. The past coming into view
Wooden boxes and heavy red curtains, the final message
Still and no life you are carried in..
I stand and stare while my heart shatters
In the stillness of the service I finally let go
So. Here I am once again.. I feel you near but this time it’s ok
I’ve made friends with you and your most welcome
It will pass
You cant hurt me
I turn and face you and only see light
No longer waiting I am free….
Deep dark black
Like the depths of untouched water
I sink to the bottom
No soul, no air just black
Sunlight gone and warmth unknown
I catch my breathe and dive down deeper until I settle on the bottom
Somehow I feel held by this space. Supported by the ground beneath me I take comfort in the letting go
No room to manoeuvre from the chains around me
I let go more and all is well
I fill my lungs and start to surface, gently and surely I rise…
Dedicated to my brother….
I wake and know my truth.
Your not here and wont come back.
I wish you would, so I could see you laugh again and say those stupid jokes
To run around with the kids playing football and pretending you were king.
But your not coming back.
I wish I could say that I knew how you felt, to let you know that you were not alone.
Even in the dark dark hours of the soul you were never alone.
When you spoke you showed me your pain that touched the edges of mine.
The night you left you never knew just how much I loved you.
So now I wake and your not there, I wish you were but its beyond a dream…
Today would have been my brothers birthday and sadly I lost him to suicide less than 2 years ago, I hesitate to share this but I have always written from my heart and want this to be a lasting image and have dedicated this poem to him.. Happy Birthday Simon xx you are very much missed…..
I wish I could tell you that it’s all ok.
To re assure you that you were loved and it was safe to stay.
In the cold dark night and all alone, I wish you could have found your “place called home”
Something solid and with love to guide.
No shame, no fear no need to hide.
The pain so deep and all alone you left that night and couldn’t phone.
I shed your tears that you never could cry.
You chose your path, you said goodbye.
I miss you now and each new day, I see your face …..a million miles away.
Out of sight but not of mind, you leave us now so far behind.
My special bond my wonderful brother – in this short life there is no other.
I wish you peace in your passing on, inside my mind but never gone…
Its time to share this now…
I wrote this and read it out at my dads funeral nearly two years ago now.
The time is here
The road has parted, I have a choice continue how I've started
The darkness calls as black as night
The other path, bathed in light
Each step ahead a new unveiling
I move with calm, each step unwavering
Destructive doom, the path behind
Angelic spirit in body and mind
I do not know what each days brings
In the Gardens of Eden the birds do sing
Is it true how much I fear, or is it just the roads unclear?
I take a turn a new discovery, the road may wind
The maze of questions may still remain, each day sun rises never the same
As death descends
I trust its meant
In love and truth I do repent
I pray for peace and though I'm sad
I pass to you, to god
Much love to all today - Paul (Poetry from the Heart)
Beautiful expression of grief..
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface of the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
will never know the source from which
the secret water,
cold and clear, nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown away by those who wished for something else.
~ David Whyte
I was overcome with heavy duty grief this morning and came across this beautiful song and lyrics that really moved me, so I thought I would share them with you.
I am hunted by the future
Will the future be my past?
Or is time a fade out picture
Of my everlasting cast
Love is phasing
Love is moving
To the rhythm of your sight
I get closer
To the crossing point of light…
Deep in the dust bowl of the desert an old man sits.
Pondering on his loneliness, his mind alone it drifts.
He swings in moonlight wonder and star filled open sky.
A single tear for no one to see in his blood shot weary eye.
Where have they gone? in time and song when all was wrong or right.
His heavy heart and grief inside that leaves a sour plight.
In times of dance and gaiety he was the talk of town and now in times of misery he wears his mournful frown.
The girl who came to be his wife to stay with him for all his life it was not meant to be.
In stormy haze and loving gaze she passed that day at sea.
In such grace but so much haste she left this mortal coil.
The poor old man and now he sits on living tainted soil.
The day she passed his long full life, would never be the same.
He can not hide on this sad night, his tragic sense of pain.
He looks above to clear dark sky he thinks and wonders…..why?
A single tear for no one to see from his blood shot weary eye…
Drifting through the sand, above sea and deep in grassy mound, the silent wanderer moves.
In shape and form and taking on melting light in the crispness of each new day, the silent wanderer merges into crowds.
Sometimes seen in mirrors and reflections in shop windows, looking back at you looking back at him. Eyes hollow and breath shallow he waits.
Each day his call his heard and he takes his place with weary souls ready to depart.
This caller of minds left alone to sink into eternal blackness.
He calls them forward with a promise of freedom and eternal bliss.
The silent wanderer holds the key to your heart and all that exists in it.
He is that moment after dream and before awake. The pause in the breath before you breathe out, The subtle change from light to dark.
He is always there, he knows …..
The silent wanderer..
The glistening heat radiating from pebble mound,
The sea it beckons with whispering sound
So much of life is planned and fraught
Doing,doing what I ought
I choose to be to sit and see
No frantic race or deadly pace
If I left this earth without a trace
Who would I be
I’d float up high in deep blue sky
A wandering spirit that you can’t see
I’d say farewell and leave this world behind
Goodbye for now
Forever in your mind