Now…

No drama, no created crisis. Is that OK?

Just stillness and peace in this moment that is…my heart beats a certain rhythum as I listen to the wind and the sounds of summer.

Sky blue, sea green, birds hovering on warm winds above me.

Once upon a time I left my body, floated out of it, all in the name of safety.

Now I have returned and I feel my self breathe.

I look at wonderful colors that are new, fresh and bold.

Smoky sandalwood fills the air and the humming of the chant greets my senses.

I’m alive because I feel my heart now.

I look into gods eyes and I know the truth.

He never left me and was waiting patiently for me to return to him. The love I feel now fills me from the inside.

In this moment I belong,no longer little boy lost …now I am found.

Held…

I desire the beating warmth of your cradling heart

To hold me still while the storm rages overhead

Lost in the dream awake in your glistening eyes

I feel like warm honey that blends with hard caress 

I sink into you further 

You stir and I am alive in the beauty

Broken, sharp edges of past truimphs 

That remind me of so much

But here we are in daytime smells of sea, salt and sweat 

I know I am safe because I am held…

Stripped…

love-inner-child-burning-man-sculpture-1

I stand before myself looking at myself looking back at me,

I feel naked by the candlelight and stripped bare

My defenses are down, my body aches my mind it spins

Trying to make some sense of the this strange new world

Wanting heartbeats in the still of night, unspoken dreams masquerade

I crave love but settle for less

In this bleak moment of truth I know who I am

I might be labelled by the masses as something other than they are

Their comfort zone not mine

Do you believe the work of the devil?

Wearing shame and guilt like badges of honor alight with fiery hue

I want out, I want to jump to leap with no net and see if I land

Maybe I will…

You try to tell me who I am and what to think

You leave me struggling for breathe with your ideals

I am not you, I might not be perfect but still I am here

Worn at the edges and stripped

Authentically me..

 

Look for me… 

Look for me in sunshine, the break of a brand new day

Look for me in the moonlight, when life has gone astray

Look for me in reflections, I’m looking back at you

Look for me when all is lost I’ll be there just for you

Look for me in darkness, by candles warm soft light

Look for me when all alone in the deep dark scary night

Hear me speak so gently when the world is Oh so loud

Hear me speak youll hear my voice you make me very proud

Take this day and know your loved right here

Look for me I’m never gone so safely close and near…. 

Rise…

Deep dark black

Like the depths of untouched water

I sink to the bottom

No soul, no air just black

Sunlight gone and warmth unknown

I catch my breathe and dive down deeper until I settle on the bottom

Somehow I feel held by this space. Supported by the ground beneath me I take comfort in the letting go

No room to manoeuvre from the chains around me

I let go more and all is well

I fill my lungs and start to surface, gently and surely I rise…

New day…

In daily blooms of gods embrace

The past behind a higher taste

I am here and meant to be, the waves of change like deep blue sea

New day dawns a chance to hold my self in love but not so bold

A open door from past to now

I sometimes wonder when and how

The peace it comes like morning frost

I leave behind all that Ive lost

The foundations strong I know its true

A bright day dawns I start anew

 

 

 

Edges…

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Car crash moments and hazy feelings

Unsure edges of where I end and life begins

Total recall of damaged days and toxic fear

Heavy breath and smoky fingers , touching where they were not invited

I lost my voice and who I was in willowy wisps of icy air

Windows that looked up in to the night sky

I wanted to be among them

Free to float in blankets of darkness and silky stars

I left my body never to return

But now I have, I occupy the moment and feel my skin bathed in subtle sun and warm caress

Beckoning me to gently move forward

I am safe in this new body and held by the chant

I am loved from this place and I no longer need to hide in shadows

I am here and I am enough….

Night…

night-1

Like mist the darkness falls.

It takes me into its dark embrace, to block out light and shroud me in its cold tendrils,

I fear the night that comes upon me with no warning no explanation and no heart.

If only I could feel the shift in the air from day to night, at least have a clue.

Its here again, the moment before I breathe out and let go.

Night as black as death it keeps me locked in its menacing hold.

Until I light a single flame and night withdraws into the deep places of a thousand regrets.

Over the edge…

I look before I leap

Pray before I sleep

No longer over the edge

Ive survived the darkest pain

I choose to live again

No longer over the edge

In chant with faith so true

No longer feeling blue

I choose to live my life

No more pain or endless strife

No longer over the edge

I notice love around

In such joyful hopeful sound

No longer over the edge

Im here and fully me

You look at me you see

No longer over the edge