Held…

I desire the beating warmth of your cradling heart

To hold me still while the storm rages overhead

Lost in the dream awake in your glistening eyes

I feel like warm honey that blends with hard caress 

I sink into you further 

You stir and I am alive in the beauty

Broken, sharp edges of past truimphs 

That remind me of so much

But here we are in daytime smells of sea, salt and sweat 

I know I am safe because I am held…

Waiting… 

I know your there. Waiting in the darkness.

Cowering until I’m relaxed and unaware. 

My back turned unassuming and not expecting

You creep into view like a cat about to pounce

Slowly turning the air cold with your grissly stare and dark eyes

Grief

I feel you under my skin. Like poison in my vains

My heart in a wooden box, locked down and broken

Slowly it comes. The past coming into view

Wooden boxes and heavy red curtains, the final message 

Still and no life you are carried in.. 

I stand and stare while my heart shatters 

In the stillness of the service I finally let go

So. Here I am once again.. I feel you near but this time it’s ok

I’ve made friends with you and your most welcome

It will pass

You cant hurt me 

I turn and face you and only see light

No longer waiting I am free…. 

Beyond the Dream…

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Dedicated to my brother….

I wake and know my truth.

Your not here and wont come back.

I wish you would, so I could see you laugh again and say those stupid jokes

To run around with the kids playing football and pretending you were king.

But your not coming back.

I wish I could say that I knew how you felt, to let you know that you were not alone.

Even in the dark dark hours of the soul you were never alone.

When you spoke you showed me your pain that touched the edges of mine.

The night you left you never knew just how much I loved you.

So now I wake and your not there, I wish you were but its beyond a dream…

Space…

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I need to breathe….

I’m drowning in endless tasks and “have to do”

I’m not sure how I’ll make it through.

I take a step and move ahead

I return with angst to unmade bed.

With a bound, I’m up again.

Why are there such hopeless men.!!

Who bring me close and push away.

Who don’t have courage and strength to stay.

I taste my pride its acid taste.

You taste your fear and go in haste.

Me?  I’m strong and can take heart.

In this new day in which I start.

I see the mountain I move right on.

I leave you now in hopeless song.

You and me were just beginning.

Fuck that shit, at least I’m winning.

Greatful…

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Out of darkness comes light 🙂

I’m grateful for the past that showed me that I’m strong

I’m grateful for the times I never did belong.

I’m grateful for the pain and tears that left me so so weak.

I’m grateful for the chains that held be back and made me, all too meek.

I’m grateful in this day to have my eyes and heart.

I’m grateful that I chose to live and make a brand new start.

I’m grateful for the times you left me so alone.

I’m grateful that my house is now a wonderful safe home.

I’m grateful that you left and never did turn back.

I’m grateful for bold color now and life is not so black.

I’m grateful for the rise of sun and each new day it brings.

I’m grateful for so much love and new exciting things.

Above all this I’m grateful that I learnt to say the word ………NO

Above all this I’m grateful that the past is past and that you had to go…

Joy…

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I have a choice with love abound.

I hear the chant, such joyful sound.

To sit with you in this sure space, I see you now a warm embrace.

To capture me in voice so slow to be right here and not to go.

I have no words they mean so little, they catch my breath and don’t belittle.

Is this real or just a haze?

I know the truth its in your gaze.

I want to feel your skin with mine, I pray for love and sacred time.

To feel you near and know its true, a heart embrace from me to you.

I bring to you no fear no ploy

I’m who I am to share my joy.

Last word…

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When you speak its to demand, to vent your toxic anger on the world.

Me?… I am just your emotional punchbag. I take the hit and then its done.

You take me to the edge and push me over time and time again.

I want you to leave, to find “your” happy place and to take your screaming child with you.

I am not your mother or your father, or your long lost lover.

I can not tend to your wounds that you leave so bare and that you fill with handfuls of salt to make it worse.

You want so much to be loved and yet you cant even see your own face in the mirror.

You had such joy once upon a time and then they left. The pillars of your world that held you up.

So now you turn to me. to soothe your soul and make it all better.

I do not want this job, its not just 9 -5 its overtime and overkill.

I know your voice just needs to be heard, but in this safe place I have the last word.

Love is…

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Love is precious, love is free

It celebrates joy in the heart of me.

It comes in smiles in eyes and faces, from different people in different places

Love is a gift that knows no pain, it isn’t selfish, it knows no gain.

If I hold it tight it slips right through, my need to express my love to you.

It can not be forced or bent at will, it comes in peace when all  is still.

Love is precious love, is free

Its always here for you and me.