I know your there. Waiting in the darkness.
Cowering until I’m relaxed and unaware.
My back turned unassuming and not expecting
You creep into view like a cat about to pounce
Slowly turning the air cold with your grissly stare and dark eyes
I feel you under my skin. Like poison in my vains
My heart in a wooden box, locked down and broken
Slowly it comes. The past coming into view
Wooden boxes and heavy red curtains, the final message
Still and no life you are carried in..
I stand and stare while my heart shatters
In the stillness of the service I finally let go
So. Here I am once again.. I feel you near but this time it’s ok
I’ve made friends with you and your most welcome
It will pass
You cant hurt me
I turn and face you and only see light
No longer waiting I am free….
A mothers word. Softly spoken but always heard
A fresh cotton smell in warmth right here
The mother’s touch in heart so clear
Flowers that turn to the mid day sun
A past life gone a new one begun
There will never be much more than this
A mothers love is filled with bliss
Dedicated to my brother….
I wake and know my truth.
Your not here and wont come back.
I wish you would, so I could see you laugh again and say those stupid jokes
To run around with the kids playing football and pretending you were king.
But your not coming back.
I wish I could say that I knew how you felt, to let you know that you were not alone.
Even in the dark dark hours of the soul you were never alone.
When you spoke you showed me your pain that touched the edges of mine.
The night you left you never knew just how much I loved you.
So now I wake and your not there, I wish you were but its beyond a dream…
I need to breathe….
I’m drowning in endless tasks and “have to do”
I’m not sure how I’ll make it through.
I take a step and move ahead
I return with angst to unmade bed.
With a bound, I’m up again.
Why are there such hopeless men.!!
Who bring me close and push away.
Who don’t have courage and strength to stay.
I taste my pride its acid taste.
You taste your fear and go in haste.
Me? I’m strong and can take heart.
In this new day in which I start.
I see the mountain I move right on.
I leave you now in hopeless song.
You and me were just beginning.
Fuck that shit, at least I’m winning.
Out of darkness comes light 🙂
I’m grateful for the past that showed me that I’m strong
I’m grateful for the times I never did belong.
I’m grateful for the pain and tears that left me so so weak.
I’m grateful for the chains that held be back and made me, all too meek.
I’m grateful in this day to have my eyes and heart.
I’m grateful that I chose to live and make a brand new start.
I’m grateful for the times you left me so alone.
I’m grateful that my house is now a wonderful safe home.
I’m grateful that you left and never did turn back.
I’m grateful for bold color now and life is not so black.
I’m grateful for the rise of sun and each new day it brings.
I’m grateful for so much love and new exciting things.
Above all this I’m grateful that I learnt to say the word ………NO
Above all this I’m grateful that the past is past and that you had to go…
I have a choice with love abound.
I hear the chant, such joyful sound.
To sit with you in this sure space, I see you now a warm embrace.
To capture me in voice so slow to be right here and not to go.
I have no words they mean so little, they catch my breath and don’t belittle.
Is this real or just a haze?
I know the truth its in your gaze.
I want to feel your skin with mine, I pray for love and sacred time.
To feel you near and know its true, a heart embrace from me to you.
I bring to you no fear no ploy
I’m who I am to share my joy.
When you speak its to demand, to vent your toxic anger on the world.
Me?… I am just your emotional punchbag. I take the hit and then its done.
You take me to the edge and push me over time and time again.
I want you to leave, to find “your” happy place and to take your screaming child with you.
I am not your mother or your father, or your long lost lover.
I can not tend to your wounds that you leave so bare and that you fill with handfuls of salt to make it worse.
You want so much to be loved and yet you cant even see your own face in the mirror.
You had such joy once upon a time and then they left. The pillars of your world that held you up.
So now you turn to me. to soothe your soul and make it all better.
I do not want this job, its not just 9 -5 its overtime and overkill.
I know your voice just needs to be heard, but in this safe place I have the last word.
Love is precious, love is free
It celebrates joy in the heart of me.
It comes in smiles in eyes and faces, from different people in different places
Love is a gift that knows no pain, it isn’t selfish, it knows no gain.
If I hold it tight it slips right through, my need to express my love to you.
It can not be forced or bent at will, it comes in peace when all is still.
Love is precious love, is free
Its always here for you and me.
Across the room I see your light.
The calling of warm embrace and open heart.
I bathe in the anticipation and allow myself to touch the edge of your space.
To move into unknown water and submerge myself into the deepness that is.
I feel the blocks of past and the fear of future and yet I am here. I am present to your beautiful wonder and have no doubt that it is real.
Love is not blind, love can see who I am without the walls and barricades that keep me small.
I feel a thawing out of years of pain the heat expanding in every cell of my body.
An invitation to open my heart and allow you in…. gently we move together.
The dance begins.
I long to be held by that familiar feeling
Wrapping my body in pure embrace
The softness of the breath allowing me to sink into a well of warmth
Distinct and certain, alone in the dark I long for you
To take away the pain, if only for a second…
A turning to the light alive in your eyes that hold me in their magic gaze
A beauty in stillness, no words needed
A deep majesty belonging to the space between us
In this moment I know what love is
A blink of my weary eyes and you are gone
Forever lost to the dream.